


en volant

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Major Character Injury, look i can write nice things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 20:49:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5600338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn will never walk again, so Poe will help him fly instead.<br/>Or, at least, he will try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	en volant

**Author's Note:**

> i think this is the happiest thing i have ever written.  
> warnings for spinal injuy.

When Finn woke up, he woke to heavy limbs and stagnant thoughts. The universe moved slowly around him, tantalising flashes of reality hovering just above his eyes, taunting him. Finn almost thought he could see faces, but what he really saw was stars and constellations and nebulas; the galaxy laid out before his very eyes.

But more than that he could feel his thoughts start to fly away escaping his body and soaring high, could feel the tears begin to burn behind his eyes, and he didn’t even know why.

Then he realised the pain, the aching, tearing, _burning_ pain in his back that dominated every thought and every absence. He was _dying,_ he had to be, there was no other way he could explain the fire in his back and lungs and head.

Finn screamed, he screamed as loudly as he could but it wasn’t even a whimper. His heart began to race, and Finn was sure it was going to burst right out of his chest.

Then he felt a hand stroke his hair and another lay itself on his burning chest and Finn came crashing back down to reality. He could still feel the fire raging in his body, and could still see constellations dancing before his eyes but his heart was slowing and as a tidal wave of fatigue swept through him he let himself fall, and just hoped that he would wake up again.  

 

He did wake again, and when it happened everything was sharp and bright and clean. There was no fire, and the stars must have burnt themselves out but Poe was there, his hand in Finn’s and his face turned towards the sun.  

When Finn coughed slightly, unable to do anything else, Poe turned to face him and Finn realised the Poe _was_ the sun.

‘Buddy, you need anything?’ Finn shook his head, but Poe waved for the doctor anyway. When he looked back to Finn, his smile was so wide it hurt to look at, and his eyes gleamed with something inscrutable and blinding.

‘You’re gonna be fine, Finn. The doc’s great,’ his voice was unwavering and sure; and although Finn was so scared he felt like crying, a wave of serenity washed over him.

The doctor ruined that, ruined everything.

She was careful and she was kind, gently taking measurements and asking questions. _(‘Do you remember what happen?’ ‘Where does it hurt?’ ‘Does this hurt?’ ‘Is this more or less painful?’ ‘Does this hurt?’ ‘Can you feel this?’ ‘What about this?’)_  But by the end all Finn wanted to was tear the world apart because he didn’t know what was happening, and he couldn’t feel his legs.

When he looked towards Poe, the pilots smile was staring to falter and his eyes were glassy with tears. 

 

Finn would never walk again.

That was the prognosis; when Kylo Ren had torn open the skin of Finn’s back he had also torn open the nerves and ligaments and bones. There wasn’t any point in attempting surgery, the doctors claimed. It might just make things worse they said.

Finn didn’t know if Poe’s reaction (his barely contained fury that clashed so harshly with his smile) made him feel better or worse.

What he did know was that sun’s gave warmth and they gave light, but they burned and they consumed and they were wild, and if Poe was the sun than so would he. Poe had chosen to shine for Finn, and so he burnt for Finn to.  

 

They gave Finn a wheelchair, it as shiny and new, expensive too, and when Finn sat in it he felt numb all over. The fire inside of him had been put out, and now there was nothing left.

He attended physiotherapy sessions, to no avail, and it was only after those long hours of strengthening exercises that never did anything and recommendations to therapists who would never help did he feel anything. It always began in his chest, a coldness that spread upwards and outwards; filling him, defining him. Slowly, steadily, it would turn into an unbearable sadness, an ache that became so cold it started to burn. An then it became anger, Finn was angry at the universe, because as soon as he had become free, a monster in a mask had taken that freedom from him and had left him dying in the snow.

Eventually, the ice would thaw and Finn would return to his stagnant state of numbness.

But then one night, as he sat looking up at the stars, he felt something else.

It was Poe.

Poe had come and he had sat next to Finn, and the warmth that had radiated off him had been so beautiful it had made Finn want to cry. Poe had sat next to Finn and together they had looked up at the stars, and Poe had reached and clasped Finn’s hand in his own.

As their fingers intertwined, Finn’s head grew dizzy and his stomach had turned in on itself, his heart had started to beat again.

Finn had felt something, he had felt _happiness_ and in that moment he wanted remain that way forever.

 

Two months after Finn had first woken up, Poe had to leave. It was inevitable, Poe was a soldier, a commander, and he believed in his fight.

Neither of them had cried as Poe departed, but Finn could see that Poe’s eyes were glassy and there was a lump in his throat. Desperately Finn had wished that they were still looking up at the stars together; not being pulled apart by them.

‘I’ll be back soon Finn,’ Poe had reassured them both. The words tore at Finn’s chest and ripped him apart, but instead of screaming and crying and tearing the galaxy to shreds Finn just nodded and smiled.

As Poe walked away Finn could feel words building up in his chest, but he didn’t know quite what they were yet and it wasn’t time so he was quite instead.

 

Poe didn’t come back.

Finn couldn’t feel anything, couldn’t feel anything at all.

 

Three weeks after Poe didn’t come back, Finn woke to the light of the sun in his face and he smiled so much his face ached.

Poe, _his_ Poe, was back. He hadn’t come back completely whole; he had come back deaf in his left ear and a little sadder than before but he was still a sun, he still burnt for Poe. Once again, Finn could feel those words building in his cheat and searching for a release, but he couldn’t let them go, not yet.

‘I’m sorry,’ Poe’s voice was mournful, was fragile, was careful, but all Finn could do was laugh because finally he was _happy_ again.

Then Poe had started laughing too, and together they laughed until they couldn’t breathe.

 

 Afterwards Poe and Finn would often lay on the grass and watch the stars, their hands interlocked and words between them that neither dared to speak. They would lay in silence, gazing up at the galaxy with joyful wonder.

Finn suspected that maybe he would again be like he was before, he had lost too much and had changed too far, but he was new and he was _free._ Finn suspected that maybe Poe would never be the same again either, but it didn’t matter because he was still the sun.

Only one time did they speak, in hushed tones; both of them cautious and excited.

‘I need to go again,’ Poe had said, tearing his eyes from the sky to the man next to him.

Finn felt his heart drop into his stomach, and he this time he really was going to cry.

‘This time I need a co-pilot.’ Finn couldn’t help the excitement that fluttered in his chest.

‘Poe… I don’t know how to fly,’ Finn turned to meet Poe’s gaze, and was greeted by a smile brighter than all the stars above them put together.

‘Not yet you don’t.’

Then Poe leaned in and Finn wondered if they were finally going to kiss.

(They did.)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :)  
> comments are always appreciated.  
> my star wars blog: poeskywallker.tumblr.com


End file.
